The worst day ever

Ok...
So I came home from work the other day.
Like everyday I am greeted by Dude at the door.
I pick him up and he kisses my face.
I kiss him back and carry him up the stairs
hugging and kissing him.
As I get to the top of the stairs...
Red yells out from down the hall.

" Don't let Dude kiss you!"

I say "what?"

Red yells
"He was eating poo in the back yard!"

Then I realize...
Dudes breathe smells.... funny.
I drop him like a brick and run to the bathroom... and start rincing out my mouth and face with mouth wash. Just pouring the bottle all over my face and scrubbing with a cloth.
Screaming at Red...
"Why didn't you meet me at the door and tell me that?!??!?! "

She said she was sorry.

Then I began to gag a bit.
I said
"I'm sorry I yelled at you"
and kissed her.

She backed away.
and said I smelled like poo.

I began to dry heave...

Then Dude threw up on the carpet....
and it smelled like rotten poo.

I walked away gagging and dry heaving.
Red tried to clean it...
but she started dry heaving.

That made me puke in the kitchen sink.

Then all of a sudden..
the whole house seemed to smell like sweet rotten poo puke.
I couldn't stop dry heaving.
and I puked on the carpet too.

Red started laughing...
I kept puking...
I put my hand over my mouth
but it was squirting out between my fingers getting all over my shirt and the walls as I ran to the bathroom and puked in the sink.


She threw the dude poo puke paper towels in the garbage...
and asked me to take them out into the garage.

I puked again when she said that ..

Screaming at her I said..

"Are you insane?"

She said "
"Please Baby.. I can't do it...
I cleaned it up.. You have to take it out side!"

I said...
"Ok baby.. I'm sorry.."
between dry heaves.
I got as far as the door...
and I puked all over the door and the door knob.
I looked up at her and said...
"I'm sorry"

She laughed..

I puked again on the porch.
I Puked on the stairs
I puked on the drive way.

I tossed the bag into the garage.
then went back in the house...
dry heaving till I got into the bedroom.
the only room that didn't smell like puke.
and dude was waiting for me on the bed.

I smiled and said..

"I fucking hate you..."
rubbed his neck and kissed him on the head.